What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 01:23
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
She found it foreign!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
How do I build rapport with anybody?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I write beautiful poetry .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Comes on , in middle age.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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I could never make a relationship work though!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why do men choose to marry a plain Jane woman over a pretty woman?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So whats the point in blame.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was scared of men, in general
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My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Was to survive, this bastard.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
I have no regrets .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My family never makes their pension either.
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
This is soul school!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
When she asked me how she looked .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She married twice! .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I couldn’t, believe it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot live in the past .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were not on the streets..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I never cut or harmed myself..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why did i forgive my father ?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She loved him until the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I will be 64.
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My life is so biszare .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Put me off passion for life!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So, i spoilt her more .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I waited trembling.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She was in good health!
But it wasn’t much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He knew the spot.
Who then, do I blame.?
As i do to all so called friends.?
It was going to be , some day.
I said to her
But, we were locked up after school.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was 9 years of age.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Ive learnt so much.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!